don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
