New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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