She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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