theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
