I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
