I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
