I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
