you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize