if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize