First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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