I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My balls are so social today.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
