there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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