may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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