I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
