Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
