Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
