I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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