So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize