I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
