just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
