I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
