Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
