the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
