I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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