Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize