I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk is not a location!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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