I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
