i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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