we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
