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I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
