i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
tell me about the eggs
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
