Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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