Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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