Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
