I want to stick my p in your. b.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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