Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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