the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
