i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dignity is for republicans.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
