I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
