I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
