my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
