like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
