i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
