A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
