yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
