and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
