I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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