Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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