the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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