I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Randomize
