Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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