Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
