you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
