True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
