Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
