these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize