you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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