Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
