I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hippo gnu deer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize