Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
